I’m turning 50 in a few months and I’ve been declaring myself free from many of the things in my life that make me uncomfortable. I mean if we can’t stand up for ourselves, for what we truly want and believe in, when we are 50, then when can we?
One of the very first things I’m starting with is the four inch heels. Don’t get me wrong. I love shoes. I have always loved heels. I look awesome in them! I love the way they make a simple black dress something so much more. But after a long cocktail party and benefit auction last night, during which I was in actual pain in the four inch black heels, I’ve decided I’m giving them up forever. I will never again stand around at an event in anything that makes me uncomfortable.
That includes tight dresses, ridiculous bras, outdated attitudes, paradigms that no longer work or friendships that no longer contribute positively to the life I’m trying to build. I am going to be comfortable at this age. I deserve it. Think about it ladies, how many times have you been to an event and you end up walking around in bare feet carrying your shoes? How many times have you spent the whole night hiking up a dress that doesn’t fit right or wrestling with panty hose that don’t want to stay where you put them. Why? Why are we doing this? What does this say about ourselves and the standards we try to live up to for other people?
Maybe your shoes fit just fine but what about other things in your lives that make you uncomfortable? What are you continuing to put up with that you need to give up? When are we going to stop worrying about what other people think and take care of us? Are you miserable in your job? Is there a friendship that is draining the life out of you that you need to end? Are there boundaries you need to set with people in your life? What are you going to do about it?
For me, I’m declaring it right now, no more! I’m going through my closet; I’m going through my life. I’m trying everything on and it if it no longer fits, out it goes. (I think I’ll hang onto to the little kitten heels, they are just so cute)! But I digress.
Now this doesn’t mean everything will suddenly always go my way. We all know that will never happen. There will still be problems and issues and life events that I am not at all happy about. We have so little control over so many things in our lives which is why I believe it is vitally important we take control of the things that are within our grasp.
A friend of mine recently decided to start a professional Facebook page for her business and to whittle down her personal Facebook page to just her closest circle. You would have thought she committed a horrendous crime with some of the reactions she received. She wasn’t ending friendships in real life; she was just choosing to live a more private life right now. I understand and support that completely. I did the same thing a few years back when I was going through a particularly hard time in my personal life. I needed to rein in the chaos, circle the wagons, and take some time to regroup. When I was feeling on my feet once more, I reached out and again had contact with a wider circle of people. However, some of those relationships never recovered and you know, that may just be for the best.
Although I may currently have hundreds of online connections, I have very tight controls on my page. Only my closest friends can see everything. I control what goes out, and I control very strictly what comes in. I am a huge fan of the block button. If there are people who make my online presence unpleasant in any way, I block them completely. Sometimes they weren’t even my connection, but someone who constantly posts on the wall of a friend. If they are full of negativity, anger and ignorance, I block them. I have no need to let that into my life. I don’t want to see it, and I don’t want to hear about it.
If you were to look at my Facebook feed, you’d think the greater Bangor area was simply full of progressive, intelligent, civic minded, generous, artistic folks just loving life! Now that may not be reality, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s an online presence and I choose for it to be fun and uplifting. I get to decide that!
This goes for every aspect of your life. YOU get to decide what’s best for you. At this age I no longer have the patience to do things just because I am worried what people will think. Anyone whose opinion in my life matters supports me, and those who don’t, well they simply don’t need to be in my life. What about you? What’s making you uncomfortable right now? What doesn’t fit just right? What are you going to do about it? Start with the shoes, and work your way up from there! You can do this!